Navigating Parenting with a Spinal Cord Injury

Having a child after Spinal Cord Injury (SCI) can bring a mixture of excitement, uncertainty, and nervousness. Some people wonder whether they will be able to be a “good” parent, how involved they can be in day-to-day care, or how their child perceives their disability. These thoughts are completely natural and can be overcome. Children are highly adaptable and growing up with a parent who has SCI often becomes a normal part of their experience. What matters most to children is not how tasks are done, but the love, safety and affection they feel.  

Parenting is a learning curve for every new parent, with no single right approach or fixed set of rules that fit every family. Parenting after SCI is much the same, it requires a different approach like relearning to drive; methods may change and some adaptations may be needed, but the goal remains the same. It becomes a period of discovery for an individual, partner, and their baby. A range of adaptive devices can also support parenting tasks such as dressing, feeding, carrying, and other everyday activities. 

There will be challenges and moments of uncertainty, but parenting does not have to be perfect to be meaningful and fulfilling. There also may be changes in roles at home, and these can be unfamiliar at first. Some couples find it helpful by thinking beyond traditional gender role expectations and being flexible to new ways of sharing responsibilities.  Taking time to reflect on individual strengths and abilities helps create a more balanced, supportive approach to parenting that works best for the family.  

Another valuable step is to build a strong support system.  This might include connecting with other parents who are living with SCI, seeking guidance from healthcare professionals, accessing books, online forums, and videos focused on parenting with disability. 

Barbora Bello-Osagie 

Becoming a parent is life-changing for anyone, but for me, motherhood and disability became intertwined almost overnight. I developed Cauda Equina Syndrome in 2010 when my first son was only two months old. Instead of enjoying the time with my son, I was suddenly facing a spinal injury, reduced mobility, pain, and the uncertainty of what my future would look like. 

But my son became my motivation. I was determined to walk before he did. Every small improvement mattered because I wanted to keep up with him as he grew. In that first year after surgery, I needed help with many everyday tasks, including bathing him and caring for him safely. The HSE provided house help, which made a huge difference physically, although emotionally I found it difficult because I have never liked asking for help. In those early days, his buggy became more than just a pram — it became my walker and source of support as I rebuilt my strength step by step. 

Parenting with a spinal injury meant learning how to do almost everything differently. I adapted our home and daily routines to make life easier and safer. I learned how to get down onto the floor so I could still play with my son at his level. I got a SUV because it was easier for me to lift him in and out of the car. Even practical changes, like installing a dishwasher at waist height, made a huge difference to my independence and energy. 

Five years later, I made the bold decision to have my daughter through a planned c-section. By then, I understood my body better and had confidence in my ability to parent despite the challenges. I carried her in a baby carrier often, which allowed me to stay close to her while keeping my balance and mobility manageable. 

Of course, there were moments of humour too. Living with bowel issues and catheters while raising young children sometimes created situations where all I could do was laugh or cry. My kids grew up seeing AFOs, medical routines, and the occasional embarrassing mishap as completely normal parts of life. They simply accepted that mum sometimes needed extra time, extra planning, or help on stairs without a rail. 

Over the years, I pushed myself hard to give my children as normal and active a childhood as possible, and in doing so I surprised myself with how much I improved. Wanting to keep up with their activities became therapy in itself. One of my proudest moments was completing a 5K with my daughter and her athletic club — something I could never have imagined during those dark early days after my injury. 

Now my children are 15 and 10, and looking back, I realise they grew up with empathy, patience, and resilience. I grew up never really knowing anyone with a disability, especially a hidden disability, but my children have grown up with a completely different understanding. They know that not all disabilities are visible and that people can face challenges others may never see. My spinal injury shaped our family life, but it never stopped us from building a loving, capable, and determined family together.

Marc Berns 

Becoming a parent after my C6 spinal cord injury was something I never thought would happen. After my injury, I struggled to imagine what my future would look like, let alone whether I would ever be able to raise children. When I became a parent, it brought great joy into my life, but it also came with challenges that I had never fully prepared for. 

In the beginning, I found it difficult to accept all the things I could not do. For the first couple of years, I was unable to feed my children or change nappies. These are moments many parents take for granted, and missing out on them was emotionally difficult. I often questioned my role as a father and wondered whether I was doing enough. However, parenting taught me that being present, loving, and supportive mattered just as much as the physical tasks I could not manage. 

My wife and I became true partners in every sense of the word. We worked together constantly, adapting our routines, and finding ways to make family life work. While there were many things I could not physically do, I did what I could and stayed involved in every way possible. Over time, I learned that parenting is not about doing everything alone. It is about teamwork, patience, and showing up for your children however you can. 

The support of my wife’s parents was also incredibly important during those early years. They helped us tremendously with the children and gave us the support and encouragement we needed as a family. Their kindness and willingness to help made a huge difference and reminded me that parenting does not have to be done in isolation. 

Becoming a parent also changed how I saw myself after my injury. Before becoming a father, I often measured myself by what I had lost physically. Parenthood helped me realise that my worth was not defined by the things I could no longer do. Instead, it showed me a different kind of strength — one built on love, resilience, and emotional connection. 

What surprised me most about parenting with a spinal cord injury was how much joy and connection I could still experience despite my limitations. Looking back, the advice I wish I had been given at the start is that being a good parent is not about physical ability. It is about love, commitment, and being there for your children every day.

Ciara Staunton 

Being injured at 21, becoming a mother was something I hoped would be something I could still experience some day. Though, naturally as a C7 complete tetraplegic, I was terrified about how it would look to carry a baby to full term and how I would manage the day to day of caring for a baby independently.  

Things that helped me believe it would be possible were getting to meet a woman at a Ladies Day event in the NRH who had a similar injury and had 3 full grown boys. I was brave enough to ask her about her pregnancy’s that day, but I was even luckier to witness a close friend who also has a C7 injury go through her pregnancy without issue and become an amazing mother. Those women helped me see it was possible and my sister confidently let me babysit my nephew from a young age, so I knew we’d always be able to figure it out, because children are so aware and adaptable just like us. 

The only item we really adapted was the cot. We found one that was a solid wooden frame to allow us to cut the side in half and hinge it like a door which allowed me to get my son in and out of his cot independently. His highchair was a Maxi-Cosi height adjustable model to which the table was easy to slide off and allow me easy access to strap him in and out. But also reclined which was handy for the few times he fell asleep in it. Then it was a desk turned into a changing table and the next to me cot was brilliant in the early stages for adjustment and easy side access. When mobilizing in the chair with him on my knee in the toddler years I loved the ‘LapBaby’ strap to free up my hands for pushing and know he was secure on my lap. 

We know that our identity changes after SCI, but your whole identity changes after becoming a parent, and I think that is the same for any new parent able bodied or not. I was 16 years post-injury having my son and fully independent in my day to day before my pregnancy. So I struggled in the early stages feeling like I had regressed needing to be transferred and needing help with dressing after having a section, though, this was thankfully only a short term thing and I believe it is something any women after that kind of a surgery needs. 

Emotionally I went through the full range of emotions on a daily or even hourly basis. Though this is what parenting is all about. When you get the chance to love and be responsible for a little human, you have to roll with their physical, emotional and social needs along with your own. A crazy but amazing rollercoaster of ups and downs that completely worth the ride. 

The biggest support system has been my Husband without question and of course my family, as I definitely think it takes a village. My husband had to essentially look after us both in the early days and is always up and out of the bed to tend to him quicker during the night or early mornings. Because I’m a brutal morning person. Nonetheless, as my son has grown some needs have changed and thankfully most have become less. At nearly 4 years old now, we have figured out a lot together. During my pregnancy, however, I did find social media pages a good resource to learn from other spinal mothers, predominately YouTube and Instagram. We are not the first spinal injury parents to exist, and we definitely won’t be the last so the more information we can find the better. 

That with the right problem solving, planning and support that I could be completely independent physically looking after my son. Also, that the happiest fun moments are the small ones. 

Some advice which I wish I knew earlier is to be kind to yourself in knowing that your disability won’t limit you or your child’s experience of being a loving family. You and your partner have to work hard to find your balance. But All parents make mistakes and get there in the end.  

National Rehabilitation Sexual Wellbeing Service 

Support services such as the National Rehabilitation Sexual Wellbeing Service can also offer practical information tailored to individual needs. The NRH Sexual Wellbeing Service is a nurse-led clinic specialising in sexuality, fertility, pregnancy, parenting and disability. In collaboration with the NRH Urology consultant and the interdisciplinary team, the service provides support to individuals and/or couples throughout every stage of their journey.

For further information, you can contact the Sexual Wellbeing Service via email at [email protected] or by telephone (01) 235 5288. With time and right support, many individuals living with SCI go on to become confident and capable parents.